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We're just like you.  We connected through an online dating service--OK Cupid, to be exact.  Our first date was at a fun Seattle tapas-and-sangria bar.  We fell in love.  We are engaged to be married.  We know that you, too, can find love.  Let us help you.

Online Dating Tips for BBW
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© creative commons licensed Paul Rubens

Online Dating--Intimidating for larger women?

Recently, a coworker confessed that she had all but lost hope that there were some good men out there. A bitter divorce years ago, a cross-country relocation, and a substantial weight gain from emotional eating had eroded her confidence. Linnea, a gorgeous blond woman with a heart of gold, emerald eyes, and a gentle and compassionate way about her, was so sure that no man would look at her because of her size, she had developed an palpable air of resignation. Like a bubble, she carried this around with her, unaware of all the possibilities she was allowing to pass her by.

Sitting over coffee one morning, Linnea, a health professional, mentioned that she had felt, for the first time in years, a glint of hope while talking to a patient’s son. His friendly, non- threatening and open manner, devotion to his father, coupled with down-home good looks, caught her attention. She acknowledged that although he was likely attached, and unavailable to her, meeting him had opened her eyes to the possibility that there were other good men out there.

When I asked her, smiling, if she was thinking about letting me help her make a dating profile, she flinched, and told me she wasn’t quite ready yet. She told me that no man would want her because of her size. While Linnea may be correct in her assumption that men prefer smaller women, she is quite incorrect that there is no man who would be attracted to her as she is.

Here’s the first secret: It only takes one. One special bit of chemistry, one man who appreciates or prefers larger women, or a man who is intrigued by a reading a woman’s candid and dynamic profile and chooses to take a chance outside of his comfort zone. Just one.

The next secret is that it takes practice to get outside of your comfort zone.

Try this: Instead of meeting your girlfriends for wine tastings, shopping, museums, or movies, try contacting a few men with the intention of practicing the art of flirting, of building your confidence, making a new friend. Realistically, while most people aren’t perusing dating sites for friendship, you can choose to get your feet wet by starting slow (or at any pace of your choosing). If this is too hard, consider taking extra time with your appearance, wear your favorite shoes, get your claws done, and take yourself on a solo date of your choice. Practice being out, and carry yourself with confidence.  Tell yourself that the negative voices that are renting space in your head are no longer welcome. Boot 'em out!

The third secret? What you will discover, after stretching yourself, is that success builds confidence, and confidence attracts others.

How to get started? The Dating Gurus review about a dating site for BBW (plus-sized women) called BBWCupid.com.

1.  Photos: This is likely to be a real hurdle and biggest psychological challenge. So tackle it and move forward without over-thinking it. Get a friend, relative, or if you must, a local professional photographer to snap pics of you in various environments. Showcase your unique-ness: Are you a beader? A chef? An avid gardener? Get pics of you standing, sitting, headshots, doing the things you are passionate about. Make sure you are honest about your body by posting at least one full body shot. You can choose 3 pics, at minimum for your dating profile.

2.  Profile narrative: Here is your chance to shine. Take a look at some winning profiles on our site, or peruse some profiles on various websites. Take note of what resonates with you, and what turns you off. Just start, and then fine tune and polish. Get advice from someone you know who writes well. Be honest about what you are looking for, and don’t apologize for your size.

3.  Send out some feelers: Send at least 10 messages to guys you are attracted to. Check out our tips for sending messages. Be choosy, but don’t be ridiculously choosy. Remember: This is a practice exercise. You will get as many opportunities as you like in the future.

4.  If someone responds with interest: Ask them if they’d like to get together for coffee or tea. If they ask you first, all the better.

5.  If you are ignored or rejected or insulted: Believe us, you won’t be the first or the last to experience this frustration.. Size is only one of the factors that could be responsible for a non-response, rejection, or downright rude comment. One of our writing staff recalls a nasty message about her superior attitude and snottiness when she talked about her dating preferences in her profile. Distance, writing style, interests, parenthood, age, career choices…all these play a part in someone’s attraction or lack thereof. Shrug your shoulders and keep on keeping on. Don’t over-analyze.

Psst! Stop waiting for later to come--Later doesn’t exist.

NOW is what you are given and where you live, so take a breath, and start where you are.  If you wait till tomorrow to create a fresh start, tomorrow has a funny way of turning into the next day and the next, so do it.  You can always make changes in any direction once you are on the road.

Check out this interesting article on a blog called "Such A Pretty Face" about a BBW who has been there. And check out our own review about a dating site for BBW (plus-sized women) called BBWCupid.com.

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